robowest | [ DEPARTURE ]

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game: end

[ DEPARTURE ]

DEPARTURE

It's time to go.

Most people are on the train by now. Settled into their cabins and among friends and loved ones. There are only three new arrivals left to board and once they do, Hal pulls a conductor's hat out from underneath the bar, tugs it on, and steps around it to the middle of the train. He opens his mouth to talk, voice filling the train.

"It's time to go. Stops happen once a day until everyone's departed and I already have your stopped listed. If you'd like to be prioritized, let me know, otherwise we'll go in order of death. Settle in and enjoy the ride. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask, folks."

This, of course, means that those who died earliest (Manfred, Higekiri) will depart first while those who died latest (Barnham, Damian, Percy) will depart last. There's a stop for everyone, though those who want to get off together are more than welcome to. Hal pulls a notepad and pen out of his pocket later and people will notice that he goes around the train confirming stops with everyone. Whatever feeling Hal may have had to a character back in town isn't noticeable here -- he is simply a robot assigned with a job.

After that, it's all a matter of settling in and enjoying the ride. If that's possible for you, at least.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[yeah, he should feel bad about that—but noct already made his peace with dying at barnham's hands. that's not why he's bopping him on the head at all, and it's not why he's flopping in the seat next to barnham and trying to hold his composure, either.

which isn't really working.]

Trying to take yourself out. You think... you think that's what I meant when I told you to walk tall and see things through!?

[yeah.

that composure thing is definitely not working because that hurt him more than anything else that happened between them. how many times is he going to cry in front of barnham before this is all really and truly over? why is barnham like this? this... is not what he wanted, not for a second.]

[Ah.

That.

Barnham thinks back to the sensation, the feeling of his own blood as he bled out and the knowledge that on the other end of the gun, there was a ten-year-old who never deserved to have more blood on his hands, who never deserved this suffering, and he grimaces.

...]

It was a foolish choice. [He can admit that much.] And...a cowardly one. But even so, I would not.... would not have had my blood on Young Mister Wayne's hands, or Young Percy's.

[So he took the only option he felt he had.]

That wasn't the way to do it! Nobody wants that, not a single one of us!

[he almost puked his dead brains out when barnham lifted the gun to his head, and it's pretty clear from his expression that it really got to him. he'd been lucky that milla had been there to ground him a bit.

because he really was doing that.]

I'm glad... that Hal took you out. So you're here. But... dammit, even to the end you took too much on by yourself!

[he's so upset about it, like he wouldn't have done exactly the same thing.]

[... Right. Well. He deserves this berating, honestly; he can't deny it, and instead he just takes it, quietly accepting, expression muted. He deserved that fate, really--he wouldn't have cared if it disqualified himself from the game--but that it didn't happen means... well, he gets to keep on living.

Which is...well, it's Something.

Quietly, he breathes out a sigh.]

... I am...sorry for worrying you, Noct. [He's sorry for...more than that, and for a moment, he wavers, jaw clenching as he tries to decide just what to say without crumbling completely, and then--] I...am sorry for everything.

[maybe barnham wouldn't have cared, but noct's and a whole host of others would.

but really, it's too difficult to keep up berating and yelling at barnham. he's sad, he's upset—but he's also relieved. the game is over, they're going home safely and there won't be anymore needless death. barnham can be free of his burdens now, even if they haunt him.

but even if he's done with the yelling, he's not done with what he has to say. even if it's shaky and broken, even if some of those tears spill over, and even if he's... leaning against barnham a bit weakly. these are things he still needs to say before all is said and done.]

I just... wish you trusted me more with it. I—do you think I've been okay watching you just break yourself so I kept my hands clean? That...it was never what I wanted.

[and then he adds:]

Don't... don't apologize. I told you. Walk tall. [he chokes back a quiet sob.] Even... if I'm mad, you did the right thing. You just should have relied on the rest of us more instead of trying to take it on by yourself.

[Noct can lean on Barnham; he'll take his weight, trying to remain as tall as he can for him.

Walk tall, walk tall--he tried so hard to at least succeed in that, and he's not sure that he did.

But he tried... oh he tried, with all of his heart and soul, and it hurts to listen to Noct's voice, shaky and broken like this, because that's what he always wanted to try to prevent. He failed at that, too.

Quietly, he reaches up to steady Noct with a hand.]

... In the end... I did what I believed to be right. On your behalf--and on others. I shall not ask for forgiveness for taking that choice from you.

[He knows it wasn't his right. His voice drops, quieter, and a little sadder:]

But selfishly...I wished to protect you from that. [Most of all... he wanted Noct to be saved from this breaking.]

It... wasn't what I meant. When I asked you to be my shield, it didn't meant to just deal with it all on your own.

[that's the part that hurts him the most. that's the part that's broken him more than once, because... he hates it so much.

noct, who goes out of his way so often to help others with just about anything they need, whether or not he's equipped for it—once again, in a telling story of his life—was shielded from information that was pertinent to him. all of the information he needed, all of his means of helping barnham and percy alike were withheld from him, like he was a child who couldn't handle the truth of the situation.]

So... you're right. It was selfish. To decide for me, like I'm a kid who needs protecting from the truth... that wasn't fair, Zach.

[that's why he's hurting.]

I'm not... mad that it was you. I'm grateful, really, that you took my life mercifully that night. But taking it all on your own, to the point you were willing to give up on yourself...

That's what makes me mad. [but obviously, it's not mad enough to not lean on barnham, and it's not mad enough to want to avoid him or show his gratitude for the good barnham did.]

[He knows it was selfish. He knows--he knew at the time that it was entirely selfish of him. And given the opportunity... he still would have done the same. He would have done the same to protect Noct from bloodying his hands, because--

Well.

He faces Noct at that, lifts his chin, and appears a bit more as the Barnham that first arrived here, instead of the broken shell he is now.]

I... the king that you appeared to me as that night--I wished to protect that. Your beliefs, your morals, your dreams--I believed in them, and I still do.

That you believed in them to the end... was important to me.

[He knows it was selfish.

He doesn't regret it, though.]

You have...full rights to be angry at me--for that, and for everything. I understand.

[He'll take it--he'll take all of it.

But he stands by that decision, at least, to keep Noct from bloodying his hands.]

Good. Because... no matter what, I'm gonna be mad about it.

[noct is stubborn, after all.

but his expression softens and lightens a bit after a moment of silence. he draws in a breath, quiet, to steel himself...

there's still more to this, isn't there?]

Guess it must just be a knight thing, being that stubborn at all. You guys always think you know what's best for us, and you guys always get it wrong.

[it's almost playful, though weak in that because noct's still trying hard to rein in his feelings and calm down. he's mad, but he doesn't hate barnham in the least.

and he doesn't want to leave on bad terms, even though they've still got some time left. it's still important for him to try and right things—and to try and give barnham some hope.]

I may have been a king that night. I may still be one now... but even if I asked you to be my shield, we've always been friends first. That doesn't change.

[and really, though he doesn't yet say it, he no longer needs barnham to act as just that for him, now that it's over.]

[Sounds about right, really. It could be a stubborn knight thing--Noct knew what he was getting into, befriending this type of guy. Barnham's quiet for a moment, considering that--and then wryly, he laughs as well. It's a soft sound, almost just a huff of air, but... he's happy.

He's happy just like this. Noct is angry at him, and Barnham is tired and broken and sad and guilty--but Noct's alive, and he's okay, and...and that means more to him than he could ever really admit to.

It's really all he can do to keep his fractured composure together; a soft laugh is all too close to being a soft sob, though he reins it in.]

... No, you are right. We...are friends, and always shall be.

[Even though they'll be separated from here--

Slowly, Barnham lifts his hand--into the same Labyrinthian, knightly salute as before.]

It has been an honor knowing you, Noct. And though I may have failed... it was an honor, too, to act as your shield even for that brief time.

[it's a gesture he can return, saluting in the proper form of the lucian kingsglaive.]

You held to your duty, Inquisitor Barnham. To my dying breath, you did indeed serve as my shield... to protect me, from other harm that could befall me.

[he sits a little straighter, letting his eyes fall closed. and once again, he takes on a much more kingly air; it's something he's certainly gotten better at in light of everything that's happened.

they're brief, but fleeting moments where he can channel the strength of his father's leadership, and use those words to convey his beliefs. and barnham, despite everything, is completely deserving of that.]

But now... I will relieve you of that post. Please... my friend. Rest.

[he lowers his salute, and smiles—though tiredly—at barnham.]

We're friends from here on out, and only that. I hope... that you'll take the time to forgive yourself. No matter how mad some of us may be, you weren't wrong in your belief. Please... don't let it break you. My faith in you didn't waver then, and it still doesn't now.

[he got the baby noct scolding out of the way, now it's a bit of the kingly noct scolding him, but they're all things that need to be said.

but it's draining; speaking with that much resolve is still tough for him, but he felt it only right.]

[...Rest. He's been relieved from that duty, and now...he can rest. He no longer has to kill anyone. He no longer has to worry about the end of this game. He has done all that he can, and now...he can...rest?

There's a long moment in which Barnham stares at Noct--and then his shoulders slump, tiredly and his words are almost a whisper.]

Very well then. Now... I shall rest.

[It sounds like the most blessed of things.

It's been...a very long trek to get here.

There's more he wants to ask Noct for--there's something important on the tip of his tongue--but standing there wearily, he's not sure where to begin.]

[it's still a bit disheartening to see that exhausting and defeat in barnham, but noct knows now that only time will fix that.

it's out of his hands, as much as he would like to be able to help more. noctis knows... that he can only help so long as they're on this train. and he knows as well that his stop will come just a few days before barnham's does. he can't even be there until the end for him—so this is the best he can do.

it's sad, almost bittersweet. he still believes so much in barnham and respects him a lot, despite the things he's been angry about all this while. but there's not much else he can do, not until barnham speaks up. with no intent to leave, noctis settles in his seat, more comfortably next to barnham and just... sighs.

he's so tired.

he knows that barnham is too, but at least he can see peace until he returns to eos, where he'll dive back into a dark hellscape to discover the fate of tenebrae, gralea, the entirely of niflheim's empire... and what will become of him as well. he wants to embrace this peace, but he also feels like they probably still have a lot more to talk about.

but noctis is patient, and he can wait while barnham tries to gather his thoughts.]

[... Noct does it all in and of himself. He settles next to Barnham and Barnham doesn't have to speak the shameful words that were on the tip of his tongue--

("Stay with me for a time", because he missed Noct, and seeing Noct alive again has been soothing his heart in a way that he didn't know he needed.

He was crumbling, but now...he feels just a little more stable.

A little less like he'll fall apart.)

He settles, and slowly leans, until he's resting on Noct's shoulder. All game--this whole time, all seven weeks, he's done his best to keep his head up and stand tall. He's tried so hard to be there for people, and to do what he could for them.

He's tried--

But now Noct is here, and he trusts him. They're not prince and knight anymore, or shield and king.

They're just...Noct and Zach. Just friends. And for now... Barnham can lean on him, and let Noct take his weight.]

[this time, noct is more than willing to take that weight.

barnham deserves it.

after absolutely everything, he knows that barnham needs that shoulder to lean on, and it's precisely why he chooses to remain without any hesitation. it's why there's so much forgiveness, even when barnham's actions angered him. some things just can't be overturned so easily...

like friendships.

like brothers.

and maybe they're not quite brothers.

but it's something like that.

and after a long silence, noct will be the one to bring up the other thing on his mind.]

Zach. I just...

Want to say thanks. [for what? he doesn't say quite yet.]

[He's needed so much rest this entire time. He hasn't slept in so long; he hasn't eaten, he hasn't done anything but focus on his duty and his goal for so long. And now...that he can rest? Now that Noctis is breathing, and alive, and fine... now that he's seen the others and knows they're fine...

He can rest.

His eyes are half-shut, even as he rests against Noct's shoulder.

He's not asleep, but he's definitely just resting there, enjoying the ability to be at peace.

He doesn't stir until Noct speaks, and then he only stirs enough to open his eyes a little.]

... Pardon?

[Look, he's exhausted and his brain is a little fuzzy, he's not sure what Noct is talking about.]

Sorry, I'll let you rest more in a minute.

[because he knows that barnham is exhausted. and noct wants to give him this opportunity to be able to do so. he did so much, he worked so hard, and sacrificed to much.

he deserves this peace more than anyone else, of this noct is pretty sure.]

Thanks. I... know you probably could have killed me in a much worse way. Never saying a word, or drugging me, or knocking me out without any answers.

[he thinks about people like xion and shinnosuke, or even lust and he knows... he would have been angry if he died that way.]

You let me have some dignity. To say some final words and learn the truth. So... I think I should be thanking you for that.

[noct is pretty steadfast in that. even if it seems like an awful, morbid topic, noct speaks with a surprising level of peace and confidence. he's okay with this, honestly.]

No, no, it is fine--

[If Noct has something important to say, he wants to hear it? Naturally. He lifts his head enough to listen, especially when it seems serious--and then quietly, he grows a little more solemn.

Ah.

... well. He did that to Xion and Shinnosuke and did not allow them that dignity--but he did what he had to do to finish this. He knows that.

Shameful as it is.]

Noctis...

[...A sigh.]

You do not owe me thanks for that--the most basic of common courtesies. I...I owed you that much, and more.

And in truth... [A beat, and then he continues more certainly:] Your dignity, both as yourself and as a ruler, was something I also wished to protect; I find it admirable.

That deserves thanks. I know... it made things harder on you. To hear all of my last words, even the ones that weren't meant for you.

[okay, he gets that.]

It would've been easier for you to keep me quiet. But you didn't. I appreciate it.

[he's glad that he got to say those things, just in case they failed and didn't get the path they're on right now. those words and sentiments are incredibly important to noctis—he would have died with regrets if he hadn't said them aloud that way.]

You were merciful, and you have my gratitude for that, Zach. [he'll add, though he knows maybe it's silly:] What I said in my letter to you, I still stand by that as well.

[... Honestly, Noct. Honestly!! You're too much. He's quiet for a long moment at that, before he just grumbles under his breath. He's too tired and exhausted and overwhelmed to be proper and knightly with proper poise and posture now. He lets his head thump back to Noct's shoulder, and he grumbles:]

I am not surprised that you do not think highly of me, but as you have said many times--we are friends.

I would have allowed you anything in those last moments.

[So there!!!

Also that letter was too much and he still feels guilty, he's kind of overwhelmed by his feelings, okay...]

Doesn't... change how I feel about it.

[but really, that's it. that was what he wanted to say for now, because despite the worst of everything... this is fine.

noct knows his anger and disappointment will still remain for a bit beneath the surface, but he's said enough to barnham about that—so now, it's just about being friends. putting the murder, the pain, the suffering and betrayal behind them...

it's key. it's difficult in some ways and easy in others—but they've suffered and struggled, none more then barnham. so the time they have left on this train (they've certainly got a while), noct knows he'd rather spend that trying to repair things and being around barnham in a stress-free way.]

It's fine. Just... get some rest now. I'll stay here until you're ready to get up.

[he owes that much to barnham, at least, for not being able to ease his burdens sooner.]

[They have a lot to discuss still; he knows that. He probably shouldn't even be resting on Noctis like this--he has people to take care of and look for, and Barnham.... still doesn't really deserve this.

He stabbed his blade right into Noct's chest.

But Noct is here. He's breathing. He's whole. And it's... for a moment, to Barnham's tired brain, it's enough.

He won't sleep, not like this--but he's tired enough to be in a bit of a downtrodden haze, so he remains there and rests on Noct's shoulder.

Eventually, quietly, he opens his mouth and speaks, tiredly.]

I feel there are many things...that must be said that I do not know how to put to words.

[Especially with his rather inglorious near-ending with the attempted suicide, but....]

... However... I made it as far as I did... due to the duty I was holding to.

[Clinging to, really, with total desperation--the duty that Noct was the one to properly put to words for him.]

I know.

[there's nothing about this noct doesn't already know, of course.]

I don't... need you to explain your reasons. I know why you did all of it.

[but still, it doesn't mean noct won't listen to what barnham has to say. he's quiet for a moment, trying to find the words he needs for this moment.]

You know. There's probably only one person who would be mad that you killed me. So... don't beat yourself up over what you did. If... I really didn't believe in you, I would have fought back. I may not have won, when someone chosen will always die.

...But I know how to fight, Zach. I've... taken down things a hell of a lot bigger than anyone here.

[maybe on this journey he can talk about the time he had to fight a catoblepas, who knows.]

I knew I was going to die, and I had a feeling about the conditions, too.

[so, he adds, quietly.] Don't blame yourself for this.

[He's been keeping all of this to himself for a long time now; now that his guard is completely down (because it's Noct) and he's half-asleep (because it's Noct, and because this entire week was shitty), it's really hard for him to stop talking about these things.

It may not be fair, but... at least he's finally talking, instead of keeping everything to himself?

Still, he knows Noct is telling the truth. He knew Noct was ready for death at the time. He knew Noct would have fought back if he didn't accept it, and he didn't.

It still hurts, but...]

Noct, I--

[He still... killed him. Him, and Xion and Shinnosuke and Sara. And Ash by proxy, and the amount of blood on his hands is sickening, but Noct especially--]

--truly, I did wish to protect you.

[He wonders if that was able to get through, after everything.

He knows he didn't accomplish it...but he doesn't think he could bear Noct not thinking he wanted to, more than anything.]

[noct's definitely much happier with barnham finally letting it all out, even if this is what it took. but he appreciates the level of trust, especially when it's something he's reciprocated all this time.

he always did tell barnham not to shoulder the burdens alone.

now, he has too many burdens—the least noct can do, he knows, is to let barnham unload them on him, even if they do hurt him quite a bit to hear.]

...You did.

[he can say that with conviction.]

From dying at someone else hands, from dying in a way where I could have lost my pride, from... bloodying my hands, even if I'd been willing to.

[no matter what barnham thinks, that's still true.] My only regret is that I couldn't help you. That... you feel this bad about it now, and I couldn't do anything to change that.

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