robowest | [ DEPARTURE ]

Entry tags:

game: end

[ DEPARTURE ]

DEPARTURE

It's time to go.

Most people are on the train by now. Settled into their cabins and among friends and loved ones. There are only three new arrivals left to board and once they do, Hal pulls a conductor's hat out from underneath the bar, tugs it on, and steps around it to the middle of the train. He opens his mouth to talk, voice filling the train.

"It's time to go. Stops happen once a day until everyone's departed and I already have your stopped listed. If you'd like to be prioritized, let me know, otherwise we'll go in order of death. Settle in and enjoy the ride. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask, folks."

This, of course, means that those who died earliest (Manfred, Higekiri) will depart first while those who died latest (Barnham, Damian, Percy) will depart last. There's a stop for everyone, though those who want to get off together are more than welcome to. Hal pulls a notepad and pen out of his pocket later and people will notice that he goes around the train confirming stops with everyone. Whatever feeling Hal may have had to a character back in town isn't noticeable here -- he is simply a robot assigned with a job.

After that, it's all a matter of settling in and enjoying the ride. If that's possible for you, at least.

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No, no, it is fine--

[If Noct has something important to say, he wants to hear it? Naturally. He lifts his head enough to listen, especially when it seems serious--and then quietly, he grows a little more solemn.

Ah.

... well. He did that to Xion and Shinnosuke and did not allow them that dignity--but he did what he had to do to finish this. He knows that.

Shameful as it is.]

Noctis...

[...A sigh.]

You do not owe me thanks for that--the most basic of common courtesies. I...I owed you that much, and more.

And in truth... [A beat, and then he continues more certainly:] Your dignity, both as yourself and as a ruler, was something I also wished to protect; I find it admirable.

That deserves thanks. I know... it made things harder on you. To hear all of my last words, even the ones that weren't meant for you.

[okay, he gets that.]

It would've been easier for you to keep me quiet. But you didn't. I appreciate it.

[he's glad that he got to say those things, just in case they failed and didn't get the path they're on right now. those words and sentiments are incredibly important to noctis—he would have died with regrets if he hadn't said them aloud that way.]

You were merciful, and you have my gratitude for that, Zach. [he'll add, though he knows maybe it's silly:] What I said in my letter to you, I still stand by that as well.

[... Honestly, Noct. Honestly!! You're too much. He's quiet for a long moment at that, before he just grumbles under his breath. He's too tired and exhausted and overwhelmed to be proper and knightly with proper poise and posture now. He lets his head thump back to Noct's shoulder, and he grumbles:]

I am not surprised that you do not think highly of me, but as you have said many times--we are friends.

I would have allowed you anything in those last moments.

[So there!!!

Also that letter was too much and he still feels guilty, he's kind of overwhelmed by his feelings, okay...]

Doesn't... change how I feel about it.

[but really, that's it. that was what he wanted to say for now, because despite the worst of everything... this is fine.

noct knows his anger and disappointment will still remain for a bit beneath the surface, but he's said enough to barnham about that—so now, it's just about being friends. putting the murder, the pain, the suffering and betrayal behind them...

it's key. it's difficult in some ways and easy in others—but they've suffered and struggled, none more then barnham. so the time they have left on this train (they've certainly got a while), noct knows he'd rather spend that trying to repair things and being around barnham in a stress-free way.]

It's fine. Just... get some rest now. I'll stay here until you're ready to get up.

[he owes that much to barnham, at least, for not being able to ease his burdens sooner.]

[They have a lot to discuss still; he knows that. He probably shouldn't even be resting on Noctis like this--he has people to take care of and look for, and Barnham.... still doesn't really deserve this.

He stabbed his blade right into Noct's chest.

But Noct is here. He's breathing. He's whole. And it's... for a moment, to Barnham's tired brain, it's enough.

He won't sleep, not like this--but he's tired enough to be in a bit of a downtrodden haze, so he remains there and rests on Noct's shoulder.

Eventually, quietly, he opens his mouth and speaks, tiredly.]

I feel there are many things...that must be said that I do not know how to put to words.

[Especially with his rather inglorious near-ending with the attempted suicide, but....]

... However... I made it as far as I did... due to the duty I was holding to.

[Clinging to, really, with total desperation--the duty that Noct was the one to properly put to words for him.]

I know.

[there's nothing about this noct doesn't already know, of course.]

I don't... need you to explain your reasons. I know why you did all of it.

[but still, it doesn't mean noct won't listen to what barnham has to say. he's quiet for a moment, trying to find the words he needs for this moment.]

You know. There's probably only one person who would be mad that you killed me. So... don't beat yourself up over what you did. If... I really didn't believe in you, I would have fought back. I may not have won, when someone chosen will always die.

...But I know how to fight, Zach. I've... taken down things a hell of a lot bigger than anyone here.

[maybe on this journey he can talk about the time he had to fight a catoblepas, who knows.]

I knew I was going to die, and I had a feeling about the conditions, too.

[so, he adds, quietly.] Don't blame yourself for this.

[He's been keeping all of this to himself for a long time now; now that his guard is completely down (because it's Noct) and he's half-asleep (because it's Noct, and because this entire week was shitty), it's really hard for him to stop talking about these things.

It may not be fair, but... at least he's finally talking, instead of keeping everything to himself?

Still, he knows Noct is telling the truth. He knew Noct was ready for death at the time. He knew Noct would have fought back if he didn't accept it, and he didn't.

It still hurts, but...]

Noct, I--

[He still... killed him. Him, and Xion and Shinnosuke and Sara. And Ash by proxy, and the amount of blood on his hands is sickening, but Noct especially--]

--truly, I did wish to protect you.

[He wonders if that was able to get through, after everything.

He knows he didn't accomplish it...but he doesn't think he could bear Noct not thinking he wanted to, more than anything.]

[noct's definitely much happier with barnham finally letting it all out, even if this is what it took. but he appreciates the level of trust, especially when it's something he's reciprocated all this time.

he always did tell barnham not to shoulder the burdens alone.

now, he has too many burdens—the least noct can do, he knows, is to let barnham unload them on him, even if they do hurt him quite a bit to hear.]

...You did.

[he can say that with conviction.]

From dying at someone else hands, from dying in a way where I could have lost my pride, from... bloodying my hands, even if I'd been willing to.

[no matter what barnham thinks, that's still true.] My only regret is that I couldn't help you. That... you feel this bad about it now, and I couldn't do anything to change that.

[He...did.

He did protect Noct. He tried, that much is true. Even if he ended up killing him, he tried...so very hard to protect him. That's something he knows to be true. But hearing it from Noct is something else entirely.

Noct isn't his liege lord, no. But for a brief period of time, he was someone who he owed his loyalty to that way--in the way of a knight on top of that of a friend, because he'd agreed to be his shield. He'd sworn himself to it. And he knows that Noct gets it; a knight's way of life, his pride in himself and his duty... those are things that cannot be just tossed aside.

This is confirmation. Confirmation that... maybe he didn't fail quite so badly as he felt he did at his duty.

It's confirmation he's sorely needed, and maybe...it's just now sinking in, after everything else he's been through. Either way, his shoulder slump and he breathes out a shaky sigh.

(He didn't betray Noct's trust in him...he hopes most of all.)]

I made my choices. [His voice is a little rough at that, but he's been saying this from the start. Even if really, even if he wasn't assigned a role, he was still put in this position due to the game.] I...always intended to accept the consequences of my actions. That is not your responsibility.

[He can't have Noct regretting something that was Barnham's own choice.]

Maybe it's not.

[he knows that much to be true.]

Guess it's just... that part of the royal blood I can't turn off.

[taking responsibility for things that happen around him; for those who look out for him, too.]

I asked you to be my shield, and though you're not... one of my people—not a Lucian, not my glaive, not anything like that—

But still. Looking out for people, helping them, easing their burdens... I can't stop that.

[and barnham doesn't really know the half of how much noct did throughout lucis to help others, simply because he felt it was the right thing to do.]

Something like... having each other's backs, I guess.

[There's a long pause--and then Barnham drags in a slow breath, piecing himself together again. He's bad at this, he really is--but he also doesn't want to end up a broken pile of uselessness on Noctis either.

At the very least, he remains leaning against him.]

... I accept...that you wish to have my back.

And I accept your attempts to do so.

[He can do that, now, because the game is over--but he means it, he really does. He'll depend on Noct now. As best he knows how...he'll try to depend on him and not shoulder everything himself.]

Good, because I wasn't taking no for an answer.

[his response is a little lighter, more playful. despite everything that's happened, noct's had these pockets of good humor that never totally left him.

maybe they'd been a coping mechanism that had come out to place with certain people, but slowly, with the threat of death no longer looming.... he'll be healing, slowly.

(you know, until he gets back home and literally everything wrecks his shit, thanks ardyn, you motherfucker.)]

You just have to deal with it until we part ways now.

[He doesn't want to think about parting ways right now, even though he knows it'll be a necessary thing; either way, hearing that good humor from Noct is so necessary. He can't quite get there himself yet, but...he will.

He'll get there.

Because right now... things are okay. They're not perfect, and he hasn't recovered--but they're okay. And everyone is safe. And he will recover.]

...Very well then. While we are on this train, I shall put that duty in your hands.

[It's almost a hilarious reversal, and Barnham knows that as a knight (with Noct a king) he actually has no right to do anything of the sort. But also... just as Noct's friend, maybe he does. He's not sure, but he's going with it anyway.]

Go right ahead. I... wasn't giving you choice anyway.

[he reiterates that, since it seems to be a bit necessary to do so. after everything that's happened, it's something that noct wants to do.

barnham deserves it, after all.

he's done so much, worked so hard and sacrificed entirely too much for everyone else's sake—especially noct's.

so this is the absolute least he can do now, he's sure of it.]

[There's a pause as he considers that--Noctis' words, and his expression, the way that he's solid and unflinching beside him, and the way that he's dealt with everything up until now--and quietly, he laughs.

It's a soft sound, and a little tentative, but... it's sincere.]

...You have grown, Noct.

You have grown...immensely in this time.

[It was just seven weeks. And yet the way that Noct holds himself, the way that he pledges that support here and now--it's completely different.

Barnham's proud of him. Despite everything that happened--Noctis came out of this stronger, with his head held high.]

Yeah. Guess... I really have.

[it's nicer to hear barnham sounding just a bit more like himself, even if it's a bit embarrassing to have it pointed out to him that he's grown.

he's changed.

of course, he's still the same at his core, and he hasn't lost his light or his hope completely; even when it wavered, he had things to look for and work towards, and he pushed through it somehow.

noct draws in a breath, taking a moment before he says what he thinks barnham should hear.]

I'm... finally ready. [to reclaim his throne.] And I know that I have you to thank for that.

[partially.]

[He knows that it's the truth--that Noct is ready to take the throne is undeniable truth now. It's not fair that he had to be tempered into the king he now is through this suffering, but the fact that he never caved or crumbled makes it clear:

Noctis will be an unmatched king.

... The rest, however, Barnham takes issue with. He stirs a little, frowning to himself, and actually lifts his head at that, if tiredly. He can...barely accept that Noct doesn't hate him.

He can't accept thanks, though.]

Do not be ridiculous. You have reached this point on your own--I have done nothing worthy of thanks.

I'm not asking you to believe in my words, Zach.

[he shakes his head firmly; noct already knows this to be a truth. he knows the people he met here, the desire to help them, and so, so many other factors have contributed to why he's ready to ascend properly.

he won't let barnham deny that.

because really, it's not even his place to make that decision, even if he wants to.]

You... were a great help to me. And there were things I was able to realize that I wouldn't have without that help.

[Noct... is still too much, he thinks. But he's right about one thing. It's not Barnham's place to tell him whether or not he truly was able to help. Barnham doesn't feel like he was, of course--but that's his own bias, and what he dealt with here talking. There's blood on his hands, and that's never going to change.

But.

That doesn't mean that Noct's wrong, either. To Noct, Barnham helped, and... to Barnham, that...]

... If that is the case, then... perhaps that is the greatest honor I could ask for, as what I am now.

[Whatever he is--not quite a knight, not quite an ex-knight, but something in between.]

Perhaps...thank you is the only proper response, then. If I was able to be of assistance... I am glad.

You were.

[he wants barnham to be certain of that.]

You weren't the only one, but my time here, and the time spent with all of you... I've learned more about how important it is for me to... try and protect others.

[if nothing else, noctis wants to try and articulate this. he wants barnham to understand him as completely as possible—because he thinks it's only fair after everything else.]

I wasn't ready. When I got here, I just... couldn't handle it. Even when I was taking the steps I needed to in order to ascend after my old man died, when things got tough. I wanted to run.

[so many times, he wanted to give up. to go to sleep and just hide from the world and his duty. he got scolded and reprimanded so much by those at his side; they were never supposed to guide him in the way they tried, and maybe that was why it hadn't worked.]

I couldn't do that here. With everything that was happening, it was either... I figured out how to do it right, or everyone would die.

[well, before he knew everyone had to die anyway, but he's assuming that barnham would understand what he means by that.]

Seeing everyone struggling to find the answers. You, and Percy. Milla and Shinnosuke. Jason and Natalie. Damian, and even Ash...

I just wanted to find a way. And I guess, somewhere along the way, I found my answers.

[his resolve, his dedication.] I couldn't have done it without you guys.

[It means a lot to him to hear all of this--both for himself, and for Noctis. Hearing that Noctis has grown so much and has even realized it for himself... it's important. It's important for him, it's important for his country...and Barnham is happy.

As a knight, he couldn't be prouder of how far Noct's come.

And that's something that won't ever change at this point.

So quietly... he huffs out a short breath, almost amused.]

...Well. I do not believe there is much you require my guidance for, any longer.

[Which is good because Barnham's about fresh out of guidance, honestly.

But he's happy. Noct doesn't need him to guide him any longer, because Noct... has figured this all out in the end for himself.]

...You've given me more than enough, I think.

[even noct knows that he's at a point where he couldn't possibly ask for any more than what he's already received. barnham's helped him far more than... well, he really should have.

in a lot of ways.]

I'll... be able to do what I need to, when I get back.

[... Quietly, Barnham knocks shoulders with Noct, and nods. He knows better than anyone just how much is on Noct's shoulders when he gets back.

But--]

We are not yet at your stop.

[So until then--]

Let us focus then... on enjoying what time we have left together.

[Wryly:]

I quite honestly barely recall how to "enjoy" anything.

Kinda feel like it's that way for a lot of us.

[he'll state is quietly after a moment, once he's acknowledged barnham's understanding of burdens.

but it's no less true, honestly. noct got by on pockets of enjoyment, small moments with the friends he made that allowed him to feel amusement or happiness. but they've been few and far between, still an adjustment noct himself is trying to make.

especially when he knows very little in the way of enjoyment awaits him on the other end.]

Guess we got a good.. what, month or so before it's all over? I think we can probably figure it out before that.

[how to enjoy things again, that is.]

[A month or so of all of them together--on this train, and able to rest and try to remember how to enjoy themselves again. That seems more than fair, and quietly, Barnham nods as well.]

We shall all...be fine. [ish. Mostly fine. They'll make it.]

Though you are certainly right about the amount of time we shall have, if that announcement was to be believed.

[They sure took their sweetass time dying, so...they're sure going to be on this train awhile.]

[ DEPARTURE ]

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