robowest | [ DEPARTURE ]

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game: end

[ DEPARTURE ]

DEPARTURE

It's time to go.

Most people are on the train by now. Settled into their cabins and among friends and loved ones. There are only three new arrivals left to board and once they do, Hal pulls a conductor's hat out from underneath the bar, tugs it on, and steps around it to the middle of the train. He opens his mouth to talk, voice filling the train.

"It's time to go. Stops happen once a day until everyone's departed and I already have your stopped listed. If you'd like to be prioritized, let me know, otherwise we'll go in order of death. Settle in and enjoy the ride. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask, folks."

This, of course, means that those who died earliest (Manfred, Higekiri) will depart first while those who died latest (Barnham, Damian, Percy) will depart last. There's a stop for everyone, though those who want to get off together are more than welcome to. Hal pulls a notepad and pen out of his pocket later and people will notice that he goes around the train confirming stops with everyone. Whatever feeling Hal may have had to a character back in town isn't noticeable here -- he is simply a robot assigned with a job.

After that, it's all a matter of settling in and enjoying the ride. If that's possible for you, at least.

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... Both? I mean, I'm never not difficult, but I also actually don't see what difference it makes it to you.

I don't know. Maybe because we were just starting to be friends and I still actually care about what happens to you? Crazy thought.

[As soon as Percy says the F-word, Shinnosuke makes a face (because yes, to him, that is a crazy thought—especially considering that up until the point that he and Xion received his letter, Shinnosuke had been under the impression that Percy was possibly still mad at him and thus better off without him around).

Then, he's silent for a moment, before:]

Well, to be frank, it's pretty tempting to ditch my memories if it means I don't have to deal with all of you anymore...

[He doesn't bother changing his expression, simply listening before he shrugs.]

Why is that? [No persuasion just yet. Just questioning.]

[Simply:]

You guys are an unnecessary distraction.

Probably. It's not like being here and meeting us and talking to a lot of us has given you more drive and motivation to fight harder and save your sister, right? You could go back to square one and forget about all of us. Do everything by yourself.

["You can enter it alone and die by yourself. Or, maybe, it'd be fine for you to put up your solitary airs and achieve your grand ambition. At any rate, it's probably an ambition you can achieve by yourself, right?"

... Honestly, this is why he hates people like this.]

Are you being sarcastic?

Yup. [He lifts both eyebrows now.] What gave me away?

You're a pain in the ass, and everything you said is bullshit anyway since despite what you think, it's not like the memory of you all is going to benefit me or my goal in any way back home.

[...]

But fine, you win. I'm keeping my memories. That's what you wanted to hear, right?

[Though it's been tempting to run away—by forgetting, or by escaping to another world and starting anew, even if it meant abandoning his sister.

It's why he doesn't care for things like happiness or friendship, as that kind of weakness starts to form. He knows to ignore it, but it'd be easier not to have to deal with it at all to begin with.]

[He doesn't say anything again. It's hard to say what he wanted Shinnosuke to say, just that he wanted him to make the decision. He had hopes of course, sure, but at the same time it wasn't fair to try and dictate his choice. He knew that the boy had a rough road ahead back in his own world. There are plenty of things he could say to him, but for once Percy doesn't. For once, for the first time since before the battle of Manhattan, he doesn't feel like a leader anymore. He doesn't feel like he has a place to say anything.

So...there's a small noise of confirmation to what Shinnosuke's said and he gets to his feet. His disposition remains heavy and awkward and insecure, the urge to crawl away and keep his mouth shut appearing again.]

I don't know. I just wanted to make sure the choice would work best for you. What you do next isn't up to me.

[At that, he laughs tiredly, before looking away (and in a way, after weeks of blindness, it's still odd to be able to do this with meaning).]

Honestly? I spent half my life thinking that any semblance of a normal life, including all that friendship crap, was detrimental to me, but nowadays, everyone—including you, might I add—is telling me that that's wrong, so... even I don't know what's best for me anymore.

[Or rather, what'll help him save his sister, since that's all that matters. Or what should be all that matters, at least.]

At this point, I'm just winging it, apparently.

[Even though he should think things through, as he's always done, he may no longer have the time—as soon as he's back home, it's a race against the clock.

Though he'll be on this train for a while, he supposes.]

[...well.]

Look. I'm sorry, all right? Believe it or not I'm still trying to really figure out this whole...everything. [Life, he means. Being a leader. Not screwing up. He's screwed up in a lot of places and he can picture so many people he's actually screwed up with while trying to do what made the most sense (Nico, Bob, Calypso...people he didn't mean to ignore but he just...did, after a while.)] Maybe it's not fair that I said normalcy and friendship aren't detrimental because I don't know everything and I don't know how things are going to turn out. It's just what I thought and it's still what I believe. A lot of times I get by on making up plans as I go and then Annabeth yells that my plans suck and then she's there to bail my stupid ass out of trouble. That's sort of where the friendship thing comes from.

...my point is that there are some people who can't do everything alone. But there are some who can even if they probably shouldn't. It's just not my call to make. So...yeah. Sorry.

[He's just sort of awkward suddenly, forgive him, Shinnosuke.] What's best for you is whatever will help you strategize the best to save your sister. If that means remembering how this game played out and what people have said to you, then there you go. If not...then maybe that's okay, too.

[Percy, why. Stop feeling awkward, it's actually making Shinnosuke feel a twinge of guilt, and he likes that even less.]

I wasn't looking for an apology, idiot. [He pauses, before he holds up three fingers.] Three reasons—three reasons why I didn't want to get close to anybody. First off, I was tired of grief. Secondly, I was trying to avoid being used or stabbed in the back. Like I told you before, my goal's just that of a naive idiot's, and naive idiots make the best pawns. It's harder to use someone who's just in it for themselves.

[It's why, in this place, people like Ash were unpredictable, while nothing Yuna was a surprise. It's why Shinnosuke would rather present himself as a self-serving asshole than someone capable of caring; until recently, he never thought he could even obtain a genuine ally.]

Third... [He's silent for a moment, and then:] If you're beating yourself up for all that stuff towards the end, don't. I don't know about the others, but I don't really care. Only a moron gives away all their secrets.

... But I couldn't understand why, in that case, you kept being all buddy-buddy with others. It just seemed like it was asking for more trouble than it was worth. Why give yourself more reasons to crack? [...] But you won the game, so I guess I was wrong.

So congrats. [And he means that genuinely, because:] If it'd been me, I would've failed.

[That's the third reason. He's never trusted himself to be strong enough to live in both worlds: to move towards a goal and yet allow himself to be happy once in a while at the same time. If it'd been him, he would've kept his distance, only to be killed by Barnham or someone else in the end, without having achieved anything. Or, had he befriended others, he would've caved long before, buried underneath his guilt.

It's painful, to realize that maybe someone like him never stood a chance in this game.

... There's a point he's trying to make with this, though he's not entirely sure of what it is, or why he's even saying all this to begin with.]

Whatever, I know you weren't but I felt like giving one anyway. [It's what protags do. Still, he shuts up and listens to everything Shinnosuke says and for a moment he's silent. He gets it. He gets why Shinnosuke would throw up walls and go at it alone, and in a way, it reminds him of a few people he knows. It's all the more reason Percy reached out to him in the first place. Nobody deserves to live that way. Not even if they want to.

Still...]

...grief's gonna happen even if you're by yourself. That's just how things are. But I can't say I blame you about the second point. [He licks his lips though to pause, giving himself time to form his words.] I'm...well yeah, okay. I know. I did the right thing in the end and beating myself up isn't going to help, I know. I'm not totally beating myself up. But you really don't know why I kept my connections and made friends with everyone here? Are those rhetorical questions or are you really asking?

[He inhales...and exhales just as slowly.] ...all of that's pretty easy to answer. [He's convinced he would have failed, too, without his friends, but he won't explain unless Shinnosuke asks. This is also his way of opening the floor for the other boy to continue.]

[Grief will happen even if you're by yourself, huh...? It's hard for Shinnosuke to accept, but he knows that he can't entirely deny it either, however much he might want to. At the very least, he's aware that even he can't help but get attached, so it's a moot point.

He pauses for a moment, before:]

... Dunno. Half rhetorical, half sincere, I guess.

[The easiest explanation would, of course, be that Percy's just an idiot. But Shinnosuke knows it's not just that alone, and it frustrates him, the growing realization that he might actually understand why.]

[In all fairness, it's true. Percy's an idiot. Percy's definitely an idiot in some cases and even he's aware of it. He doesn't speak again, but it's clear he's thinking of his answer carefully. He's also thinking of a few things people have said to him before.

"In each case, your loved ones have been used to lure you into Kronos's traps. Your fatal flaw is personal loyalty, Percy. You do not know when it is time to cut your losses. To save a friend, you would sacrifice the world. In a hero of the prophecy, that is very, very dangerous."

“Because I know you, Percy Jackson. In many ways, you are impulsive, but when it comes to your friends, you are as constant as a compass needle. You are unswervingly loyal, and you inspire loyalty. You are the glue that will unite the seven.”

So. Why make friends? Why give himself reasons to crack, as it were? Half-rhetorical though the question may be, he chooses to answer it with as much serious effort as possible.]

People...will always fight harder when they have something they want to protect or something they love. People are more likely to cooperate and stick together if they feel like people are listening to them, like they have a reason to keep going. None of us asked to be here. A lot of us just needed a push in the right direction and I...maybe I thought that I could help. If we all had goals to work toward, getting people together to work together so we could all reach the right ending. Isn't it better to have multiple people helping you get closer than to wonder if you'll get there on your own?

But the reason I befriended people even knowing how much it was going to hurt in the end is because I don't ever want to do these things alone ever again. I don't want people thinking they're alone. Everyone had my back. So I had to have theirs. I know it might not make sense and maybe I'm the naive one here, but it's true. For every person we lost, I gained more motivation to keep trying. If I only focused on Annabeth I would have given up a long time ago. But people here deserved a chance and I knew I could be the one to give it to them. I wanted to be. And that's why.

[Saying it out loud sounds so stupid, but he's not ashamed of it either. He's seemingly waiting for Shinnosuke to tell him he's a moron, mostly.]

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[ DEPARTURE ]

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